CBS Sports Sucks

That dreaded day is almost upon us

cbssportssucks — Sun, 12 Sep 2010 21:39:14 +0000

Yes that’s right sports fans. CBS Sports coverage of SEC football is about to crank up and that can only mean one thing: The return of Verne and Gary. Yes, gary and Verne will be on our TV’s Saturday afternoon calling the barnburner game of the week Florida V Tennessee. It will be interesting to see which team’s fans quit before the others. If the past two weekends for both teams are any indication, then the coma might be induced by Florida’s lackluster offense as opposed to Verne’s inane ramblings.
The best part of this game is the drinking came-play at home version.

The rules:

1 – Everytime Verne or Gary mention Tim Tebow, drink

2- Everytime Verne or Gary mention Lame Kitten, Throw up.

3 – Enjoy the game like never before (completely sober, yet still with a mess everywhere)

Oh, an one more thing, We’ve gotten several posts from people over the past few days yelling at us because of our coverage of sports. They obviously googled the CBS Sports Sucks and found us, which we’re grateful for…thanks the Googles. But we’re not related to CBS Sports in anyway and if we were, we probably wouldn’t claim them. So remember, we love hearing your complaints about CBS sports, but if you want anything to happen, address your complaints to them, not us.

I wonder if CBS has a dark shed for Verne and Gary?

cbssportssucks — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 20:11:45 +0000

Word out of New York today that embattled former Texas Tech coach Mike Leach has been hired by the Tiffany Network as a football analyst for the network’s CBS College Sports cable net. Leach will call games of the Mountain West, Conference USA and the service academies.

Of course Leach is probably most famous for locking players in garden sheds when they have concussions, a charge he hasn’t denied. But before becoming famous as the Shed Coach, Leach led the Texas Tech Red Raiders Football team to 10 consecutive winning seasons and compiled an 84-43 record at the school

What? You ask? CBS hiring someone to call football games that *Gasp* knows football? How can this possibly be?

In a statement released by Leach following the announcement, Leach said “I’m ready to take those ESPN pussies to the woodshed and lock ‘em in and show ‘em what it feels like to get an old fashioned Texas ass whoopin” In response, Craig James, ESPN analyst said “Mommy, make the bad man stop.”

The Long Wait is Finally (almost) Over

cbssportssucks — Sat, 14 Aug 2010 17:09:38 +0000

The long cold winter of our discontent ( not if you are an Alabama fan) and the hot as fuck summer from Hell is (hopefully) winding down and that can only mean one thing. Gary and Verne are heading back to our big screens. That’s right folks, the dynamic duo are returning to the airwaves in September with yet another year of brain farts, disconnects, bad eyes and overall idiocy. (“was that a forward pass?”)

Neglecting my duties earlier in the summer, I failed to notice or ignored, i’m not sure which, that CBS released it’s college football tv schedule. Now CBS never joins the college football world until the third week of the season or such. But alas the season for them begins on September 18th with Tennessee and Florida.

Oh and before we go, congrats to Gary (and by way of association) Verne for being named the 14th Most Unbearable Assholes in Sports Media by Stacey Mickles at BleacherReport.com. Seeing some of the others on that list, I’m a little surprised Gary and Verne weren’t higher up. But at least they get the recognition they so well deserve. Most likely they will move up after this season.

Saturday, Sept. 18 The Home Depot SEC on CBS (HD) – Florida @ Tennessee

Saturday, Sept. 25 The Home Depot SEC on CBS (HD) – Alabama @ Arkansas OR West Virginia @ LSU

Saturday, Oct. 2 The Home Depot SEC Game of the Week AND
SEC Primetime Game of the Week

Saturday, Oct. 9 The Home Depot SEC Game of the Week

Saturday, Oct. 16 The Home Depot SEC Game of the Week

Saturday, Oct. 23 Notre Dame vs. Navy
The Home Depot SEC Game of the Week

Saturday, Oct. 30 Georgia vs. Florida

Saturday, Nov. 6 The Home Depot SEC Game of the Week

Saturday, Nov. 13 The Home Depot SEC Game of the Week #1
The Home Depot SEC Game of the Week #2

Saturday, Nov. 20 The Home Depot SEC Game of the Week

Friday, Nov. 26 Auburn@Alabama

Saturday, Nov. 27 The Home Depot SEC Game of the Week #2

Saturday, Dec. 4 SEC Championship Game – This game is listed as an afternoon kick-off? The best football conference in America and the championship game is in the Afternoon? Really? Not prime time? Yay CBS Sports. I guess the ACC Championship game on ABC is in Primetime that night. Don’t want to sap viewers from a Maryland -Duke ACC Showdown.

Saturday, Dec. 11 Army vs. Navy

Friday, Dec. 31 2:00-6:00 p.m. Hyundai Sun Bowl

Douche Bag of the Day award goes to

cbssportssucks — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 16:07:57 +0000

Mike Freeman of CBSSports.com. His hack job of a column today proclaiming Alabama’s National Championship win last night deserves an asterix because Texas’ Colt McCoy got knocked out of the game with an injury. Never mind the fact that Alabama’s quarterback played with broken ribs (which makes sense considering his performance), that Mark Ingram sat out most of the third quarter in pain, or that frankly, people get hurt in fucking football and the rest of the team has to man-up and play the remaining time.

I think the most startling thing to come out of this column is that CBS Sports managed to find another fucktard that was a bigger douche than Dennis Dodd. That is what deserves an asterix in this column.

CBS constantly amazes me that 1. they can find these hacks and 2. they give them an outlet for writing bullshit. I understand that they write opinion pieces. This blog is an opinion piece, but still, to form an opinion, there should be some comprehension about that which you are writing.

I’m not linking the article because this one truly does not deserve the bandwidth nor the numbers. But if you go to CBSsports.com all you have to do is follow the smell that seems reminiscent of the smell coming from Bevo after eating and big heavy lunch. That also pretty much describes the douche bag and fucktard of the year award winner Mike Freeman. Asshole

Wow. Just Wow.

cbssportssucks — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 02:57:55 +0000

Verne and Gary have met their match. Rep. Brown is like Alabama’s team against Florida when pitted against Verne and Gary. It’s a bitch slap. If we had a camera on Verne and Gary at the end of that speech, they would be crying just like Tebow. The sad thing is when you look at her biography on her congressional web site.

A native of Jacksonville, Florida, Congresswoman Brown served in the Florida House of Representatives for ten years before coming to Washington. Congresswoman Brown attended the Florida Agricultural and Mechanical University where she earned a Bachelor of Science Degree. She also received a Master’s Degree and an Education Specialist Degree from the University of Florida. She received an Honorary Doctor of Law Degree from Edward Waters College. She has been a faculty member at Florida Community College of Jacksonville, the University of Florida, and Edward Waters College. Her daughter, Shantrel Brown, is a lawyer in Washington.

So yeah, Gary And Verne, you have been usurped, if only for a day, by the “Fine Gentlelady uh Gentlewoman of Florida.”

More and More People are catching on

cbssportssucks — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 18:01:50 +0000

Seems as though the Gary and Verne show is catching on. The great folks over at Deadspin.com put together a rehash of SEC Championship game from Saturday. Whoever put this together should be given a raise for having to sit through the damn game a second time.

Check out the link here

Interesting Blog Post from August

cbssportssucks — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 10:57:05 +0000

I really can’t beleive CBS actually pays these guys money. But I guess it’s the same as being a weather man. You get paid for being wrong 50% of the time. Gary and Verne get paid for being wrong 90% of the time. And people still kiss their ass. When I grow up, I want to be an overpaid, bloated “analyst” for CBS Sports. Good Lord.

The headline should give it away “CBS analyst Gary Danielson predicts All-SEC championship”

Oh yeah, and then there’s this

Oh and one other thing

Thank GOD the season is over for CBS and SEC Football…now we get the good guys…hopefully

cbssportssucks — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 05:56:03 +0000

Well folks, the CBS SEC Football season has ended and couldn’t have come a moment too soon. Verne was his whiskied-up self again. Couldn’t get the damn names right for anyone. Seems the only thing he could get right was calling Mark Ingram’s father Mark Ingram, Sr.. Verne at one point refered to Urban Meyer as Nick Saban. Called Alabama’s punter, P.J. Fitzgerald “Richards.”

I really don’t think they can see anything from where they sit. I sort of imagine both of them having to watch the coverage on an Iphone. It’s almost as if they don’t have monitors.

When McElroy fumbled a snap, Verne yelled, “Was that a forward pass?” or some other nonsense when clearly the ball was dead. Neither one of them could seem to find anyone on the field. “Javier Arenas is not back to return the opening kickoff.” When he was where he should be. “And Cody is in the backfield as the fullback!Wait, he’s not in there.” Now how the fuck do you miss a 356 pound gigantic black man with the numbers 6 and 2 on his jersey when there are only 22 people on the field.?

Gary actually saved Verne a couple of times and corrected him. Still it was a train wreck. I’m actually suprised neither one of them lept from the pressbox when they saw Tebow crying. At least Verne finally got Cody’s backstory correct.

Anyway, Gary and Verne are now Army and Navy’s problem to deal with next week. The SEC shouldn’t have to deal with the dynamic duo until next September. Of course if you watch Golf or SEC Basketball then you’ll see ole Verne. Perhaps Tiger will run over Verne on the back nine of a country club somewhere.

A weekend of CBS Sports…GOOD GOD

cbssportssucks — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 02:28:09 +0000

I’ll offer an opinion on the weekend of CBS Sports coverage later this weekend if there are even words to describe the train wreck that was. First though, I have to digest just how in the hell Verne could miss the bible verse under Superman’s eyes today and completely fuck up the whole thing. But leave it to Verne. He could fuck up the process of boiling water.

I forgot about Brando

cbssportssucks — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 02:32:18 +0000

Ok, at the halftime show today, Tim Brando made a stupid ass comment about Alabama playing a football subdivision team this late in the season. It was a snide comment that really had no place on CBS Sports since they are a Premier Partner with the SEC.

While Alabama played UT Chattanooga today, Florida played FIU. Yes, FIU is Championship Subdivision, but still, really? You’re gonna make fun of Alabama after Florida played FIU. Come on. Ass hole